he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
