tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
