I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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