He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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