i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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