I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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