Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
