I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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