Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
