the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
