So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
