Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm sobbing to NWA
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
