Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
