The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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