Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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