When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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