i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
