i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
please don't ironically join a cult
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