I like my sex mixed with concussions.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm getting married
To pizza
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
