Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
