I bet he comes in French.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize