...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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