im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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