dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
