It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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