How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
