Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
