i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize
