don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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