Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
