Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
