Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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