are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I think people are normalizing furries
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
