I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
