the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
My ATM looks so different sober.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
