Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
