she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Randomize
