i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
