I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Randomize
