I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
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