Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i think my mom watched the whole time
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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