I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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