Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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