Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
