Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
