Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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