getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
