so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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