Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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