Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
