if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
