my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
