i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
