Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I just got carded by a ten year old.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
