:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
