Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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