All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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