We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
We were destined to go to rehab together
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
