did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
