I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
