I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
