just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
