Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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