FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
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