My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize