i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
My pussy is not your playground.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
how do flat chested girls get laid?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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