last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
