If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
