okay pat passed out under dana's car
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
