Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
