My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
It's rum buckets o'clock
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
