I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
