I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
