lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
