This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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